Looking for conservative Utopia - Article by a tea party member

I am a devout conservative republican and I hate the direction our country is moving in.  It has moved to much to the left that our founding fathers are turning in their graves.  This is what I want to happen or I need to find a heaven that confirms to my Utopian vision.

• Religion to play a major role in government and people's lives, a state religion would be even better
• People make money for themselves, I should not be forced to part with my money as taxes.  In fact I would like to pay no income taxes, ever.
• Corporations are people (trust me on this one).  They shouldn't pay any taxes either.
• Gun ownership is a god given right.  I should be able to buy any gun, any where without the government interfering with my god given right.
• Liberal, college educated women are the bane of any society.  Just like good ol' times, I would like to the put them in place.  Their purpose in life is to serve us, men.
• Liberals suck. I don't want any of them around, at least not in any positions of power or influence.
• Kenyan gay communist president? NO WAY it should have happened. A conservative should be the head of state..for ever and ever and ever.
• Immigrants are destroying our country by sucking all the resources.  Unless you belong to my race and religion and unless you are born here, I don't you to be part of my country.
• Global warming is a hoax. If it is hot, just switch on the A/C. Only gay liberals complain about heat.  
• BTW, I don't like gay people.  Being gay must be made illegal. I would even like prison sentences for gay people until they turn straight.
• Environmental protection agency is an evil organization. It should be closed down.
• I don't want to be paying $4 for gas because my stupid government won't let companies drill wherever they want.  The most I want to pay for gas is $1 per gallon.
• All teachers are liberals and they corrupt our kids with liberal values and "evolutionary biology".  I want creationism as the only biology taught in schools.
• Premarital sex and sex outside marriage is causing a lot of damage to our values. They should be made illegal, I would like to make those serious punishable offences.
• Oh, almost forgot.  Abortion should be made illegal too and the promotion of contraceptives.

After a lot of research, I found that this "Utopia" actually exists.  I am moving to Saudi Arabia.  HooHoooo.