Looking for conservative Utopia - Article by a tea party member

I am a devout conservative republican and I hate the direction our country is moving in.  It has moved to much to the left that our founding fathers are turning in their graves.  This is what I want to happen or I need to find a heaven that confirms to my Utopian vision.

• Religion to play a major role in government and people's lives, a state religion would be even better
• People make money for themselves, I should not be forced to part with my money as taxes.  In fact I would like to pay no income taxes, ever.
• Corporations are people (trust me on this one).  They shouldn't pay any taxes either.
• Gun ownership is a god given right.  I should be able to buy any gun, any where without the government interfering with my god given right.
• Liberal, college educated women are the bane of any society.  Just like good ol' times, I would like to the put them in place.  Their purpose in life is to serve us, men.
• Liberals suck. I don't want any of them around, at least not in any positions of power or influence.
• Kenyan gay communist president? NO WAY it should have happened. A conservative should be the head of state..for ever and ever and ever.
• Immigrants are destroying our country by sucking all the resources.  Unless you belong to my race and religion and unless you are born here, I don't you to be part of my country.
• Global warming is a hoax. If it is hot, just switch on the A/C. Only gay liberals complain about heat.  
• BTW, I don't like gay people.  Being gay must be made illegal. I would even like prison sentences for gay people until they turn straight.
• Environmental protection agency is an evil organization. It should be closed down.
• I don't want to be paying $4 for gas because my stupid government won't let companies drill wherever they want.  The most I want to pay for gas is $1 per gallon.
• All teachers are liberals and they corrupt our kids with liberal values and "evolutionary biology".  I want creationism as the only biology taught in schools.
• Premarital sex and sex outside marriage is causing a lot of damage to our values. They should be made illegal, I would like to make those serious punishable offences.
• Oh, almost forgot.  Abortion should be made illegal too and the promotion of contraceptives.

After a lot of research, I found that this "Utopia" actually exists.  I am moving to Saudi Arabia.  HooHoooo.

Why I voted for Newt Gingrich - Letter from a native South Carolina son

The day Obama became president was the saddest day of my life.  I bought a bumper sticker that read
"If we had known this, we would have picked our own cotton".  I just want to kick Obama out of white house this election.

Right now, I have two options, Gingrich and Romney.  My first choice would be Sarah Palin but she ain't runnin.  She is just as smart as me and she looks like an angel. Personally I don't like Romney's real name.  Who names their kid "Mittens" anyway?  I would rather vote for a true Christian than the guy who wears funny underwear.  He is just like Obama, a secret muslim.  I would  settle for Catholic Gingrich, who shares my values and is almost as good as a Christian.

Media sucks, they don't like Southern folk.  Why would they ask Gingrich about his personal lives?  He is not the president.  Clinton cheated while in White House.  Now that's wrong.  Also, Gingrich just did anybody with a sick wife would do.  The day Mary Joe was diagnosed with cancer, I dropped her off in the hospital and started a new life with her sister Mary Sue.  A man's got to have a wife who can cook and clean and be a real wife.  Gingrich don't like to pay taxes, I didn't pay any last year since I didn't have a job or income.  Illegals took my job and they are stealing the country's future.  Gingrich, my man thinks the same.  I really want the foodstamp president to go away to Africa or whereever he is from, and take all the illegals with him.

My man likes his guns and hates gays.  I got'em guns and hate gays.  All democrats are gay and they don't love their country.

Y'all may think that I am a bad guy for leaving Mary Joe with cancer.  Now she is doing better and we meet sometimes.   Divorce may have ended our marriage but out special relationship will never change.  We are still cousins, right?  Nobody can't take that away from us.